Blogger without a cause

My conflicts all started when I realized that I'm not, technically, the infertile chick that I used to be.

A fact for which I am eternally, exceedingly grateful. But for the grace of God yadda, yadda, yadda . . .

However:

Normally,in the past whenever I blogged, it was usually about my PCOS and the problems that it caused me, the depression that I felt about my infertility, and how bleak the future looked for dh & I without kids. All this crap was depressing as hell, but I did have a "niche" in bloggerdom--sisters with whom to share my bitchiness. After all, I had a right to the bitchiness, dammit. I felt that venting my spleen via my blog was helpful to others possibly even a public service in providing support and info and empathy and sympathy and all that other warm fuzzy crap. Eventually, though I made my peace with all that IF quagmire, slogging through it all at a snail's pace until I managed to convince two (two!!) different social workers that I was, in fact, capable and worthy, even dare I say it, to adopt two babies. I'm a MOM! Wow. There were endless, countless, hopeless nights where I never, ever ever thought I'd get to say that.

I did ditch the childlessness and yeah, I became the tired, old, worn-out fucking cliche and rather haplessly ditched the infertility thingy too.

That said, those badges of honor may be gone.

But the bitchiness remains.

Whenever I read of others infertility blogs now, I feel petty. PETTY. Self-absorbed. I feel shallow blogging about petty. Reading those blogs takes me right back to how I felt. Dealing with my crappy job be damned, I know all too well that's nothing compared to begging for another hit of hcg and every-other-day conjugal visits with the dildo-cam.

I don't know where this is going, except that I feel less self-centered today than I did yesterday. Which is something, I guess.