Food is not my friend
isn't now, has never been and never will be. I kind of make myself sick when I think about how long I depended on food for comfort. Blathering along like an idiot, thinking I could eat my way happy. What the hell was I thinking?? What else can I say, but life can be a bitch and I can no longer hobble along on that food crutch like back in the ol' days.
I've already pissed and moaned quite a bit about my job hunt (definitely, almost certainly there will be more of the same in the near future). What I haven't been quite ready to reveal is that this is my first major crisis since my gastric bypass, nearly two years ago.
Now, don't misunderstand: I have never regretted this surgery, not for a single instant. I can never forget, even for one millisecond, how lucky I am to be given this second chance. Feel free to insert lots of endlessly grateful blathering from this former fat girl. However, in these many ensuing days as a post-op, I'd kinda forgotten my tendency to turn to food in a crisis. I guess I was just too busy pretending that I was just a normal girl, enjoying the surprisingly weird feelings of being not-fat-and-not-infertile, for the time being. Anyway. That wasn't such a good idea, 'cause I've been unpleasantly surprised by the reality of my situation.
It's not that I've been strictly on the straight-&-narrow since my surgery (far from it, blush), hoo boy, not at all. BUT, this is the first time the intense longing to eat an entire bag of miniature reese's cups and then wash it down with a few chilly liters of pepsi has hit me in forever. Just typing those words makes me a little trembly. Hee. (said in a breathy tone, tinged with just the barest hint of mania and rounded out by an ever-so-slight infusion of hysteria)
Thus is the world of an addict my friends. Welcome to my calorie-crazed nightmare. After all, you can take the football-field-sized stomach out of the fat girl, but you just can't take the "longing" for the capacity of that aforementioned stomach. I feel confident that normal people just don't have to battle these binging urges. Really. I do.
Now I'm thinking what life would be like if one didn't ever think about binging. Crap, now that is a novel idea.
Now, be grateful that I'm not indulging the sudden urge I have to break out into sonnett, devoted to all the candy I have loved before.
I've already pissed and moaned quite a bit about my job hunt (definitely, almost certainly there will be more of the same in the near future). What I haven't been quite ready to reveal is that this is my first major crisis since my gastric bypass, nearly two years ago.
Now, don't misunderstand: I have never regretted this surgery, not for a single instant. I can never forget, even for one millisecond, how lucky I am to be given this second chance. Feel free to insert lots of endlessly grateful blathering from this former fat girl. However, in these many ensuing days as a post-op, I'd kinda forgotten my tendency to turn to food in a crisis. I guess I was just too busy pretending that I was just a normal girl, enjoying the surprisingly weird feelings of being not-fat-and-not-infertile, for the time being. Anyway. That wasn't such a good idea, 'cause I've been unpleasantly surprised by the reality of my situation.
It's not that I've been strictly on the straight-&-narrow since my surgery (far from it, blush), hoo boy, not at all. BUT, this is the first time the intense longing to eat an entire bag of miniature reese's cups and then wash it down with a few chilly liters of pepsi has hit me in forever. Just typing those words makes me a little trembly. Hee. (said in a breathy tone, tinged with just the barest hint of mania and rounded out by an ever-so-slight infusion of hysteria)
Thus is the world of an addict my friends. Welcome to my calorie-crazed nightmare. After all, you can take the football-field-sized stomach out of the fat girl, but you just can't take the "longing" for the capacity of that aforementioned stomach. I feel confident that normal people just don't have to battle these binging urges. Really. I do.
Now I'm thinking what life would be like if one didn't ever think about binging. Crap, now that is a novel idea.
Now, be grateful that I'm not indulging the sudden urge I have to break out into sonnett, devoted to all the candy I have loved before.
posted by ~L @ 4:18 PM
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