Wish list

I wish that, upon my return from winter vacation, I could tell you the following things:

• My visit with my ILs was a joyous occasion that did not result in my left eyeball threatening to explode out of my head from the insanity and a splendid time was had by all
• The Christmas decorations are all removed from our living quarters and safely packed away in acid-free paper
• The baby is no longer wearing his Santa Baby bib on a regular basis
• The baby has socks that a) fit around his massive calves and b) stay on his chunky monkey feet
• The house received a thorough top-to-bottom cleaning, in view of all this time off from work, and each room is now in a state of completely sanitized serenity
• The children did not leave the Jeep dvd player on and run the motherfucking battery completely and thoroughly out of go-juice
• I consumed absolutely no Cheetos during the holiday season

But to blatantly, outrageously lie like that to you, my dear readers?

That would just be plain wrong. And I have resolved not to lie in the new year. Oh wait, no I didn't. I just carefully considered that option. I really just resolved to lie less. I mean, really. You can't just not lie at all. That would just be asking for trouble. And I never ask for trouble. Mostly.

Happy New Year everyone, even if it is a smidgen late. I wish you all the best in 2005!