The stars are stacked against you girl, get back in bed

I continue to be a marvel to modern medical science. I'm an enigma wrapped in a mystery wrapped in backsass. The doctors? They just shake their heads in befuddlement and, in some cases, amusement.

I offer you:

The chances of somehow spontaneously, miraculously getting pregnant after adoption? About 2%

The likelihood that a woman with pcos as severe as mine will manage to get pg and stay pg without medical intervention? Not bloody likely.

The probability of an expectant mother developing HELLP syndrome? Lies approximately somewhere abouts between .2 and .6%

The chance of an expectant mother developing HELLP syndrome without previously being diagnosed with pre-eclampsia? Fairly unusual, muses Dr. QuirkyNerd, my perinatologist.

And now, the odds of a reasonably healthy 31-year-old developing shingles? That usually happens in people over 50, per my new gp.

The possibility of extreme crankiness and irritability as a result of shingles in a 31-year-old wife & mother of 3 (including one infant-insomniac)? 99.44%

The likelihood of me being pissed off over the astronomical cost of 4 different kinds of shingles prescription remedies despite my sucky prescription "insurance" (and I use that term lightly)? 100%


Fuckity fuck fuck fuck!

Shingles hurt like a sonofabitch.