Time Warp 1999

Let's take a trip down memory lane, shall we? Yes, we shall because it's my blog and I say so.

Some people may be envious of pregnancy (for completely justifiable reasons), but I have had adoption jealousy so much lately. I probably will always love reading/chatting about those days of social worker woes, fingerprint delays, packing lists, and referral pictures (thereby exhibiting further evidence that I am completely crazy).

It was almost exactly six years ago that we were awaiting A's referral. Yeah, I know there are those that belong to the Refuse to Wait Club (a life philosophy involving trying to take one's mind off the impending adoption, blah, blah, bullshit, blah) in adoption, but I say fuck that shit. It's my kid and I'll Wait if I damn well want to. And we wanted to. Besides, being this was our first kid, we had nothing else capable of distracting us At All, so why fight fate, I say. And since our referral was supposed to have been sent by the end of January, we were more than a little anxious. I imagine I felt close to how an overdue pregnant woman must feel, sans the physical discomfort. I hadn't resorted to X'ing off the calendar days with red marker, in the same manner as I did as a child whilst awaiting summer vacation, but I was perilously close to such madness. I spent nearly all my working hours glaring at the phone, willing it to ring. When the phone did manage to sqawk, naturally, it was never The Call I Was Waiting For. And for some reason, that made me irrationally mad at whoever was calling (poor bastards) because they weren't the adoption agency. Also, it was winter, thusly I am more prone than normal to such fits of glaring and irrational irritability and holding grudges, etc. It is due to the lack of sun and also the lack of warmth, and thereby I can't be held responsible for the extra added grouchiness. I do what I can with what I have.

Finally, the phone rang. And it was The Call! Oh my God, IT WAS FINALLY THE CALL? THE CALL I THOUGHT I'D PAID $12,000 FOR AND GAVE UP ON EVER HAPPENING! GOD HAD NOT FORSAKEN ME IN MY ADOPTION PURSUITS AFTER ALL! And so here is a transcript of:

The Call That Altered Our Lives Permanently, Forevermore; Mostly For The Better

Adoption Agency: "L? It's D."

Me (hoping against hope): D! Yes. Hi. Hello. How are you? Good to hear from you! (I always sound like a total idiot on the phone, but more so a) when I'm nervous and b) when I'm speaking with an adoption professional.)

AA (with mucho gusto): "I'm looking at a little picture!"

Me (am now feeling confused): "Um, what? Yeah, huh?"

AA: "A picture! A little square picture of your baby!"

Me: "Really? Wow. Um, wow!" (Should have considered more appropriate conversation fodder/responses for this call ahead of time. But didn't. I do think to start writing things down at this point. Which surprises me, as that is a very levelheaded thing to do, and we all know that levelheaded is one thing I am not.)

AA (now with a healthy dose of skepticism, almost certainly with regard to my parenting abilities, as I'm sounding like a total dumbass): "Yes, L! This is The Call! Your referral is finally here!"

Me (light finally dawning in stupid head): "Oh My God! Tell me all about her? Like, how old is she? Where is she? What's her name?

AA (chuckling, sounding slightly mollified): "She's 6 months old, born August 9, and living in Jiangxi province her name is Xian."

Me: "She's a Leo! I knew she'd be a Leo!"
Me: "But, uh, what? Her name is what?"

AA (confused by my dumbass changes in subject): "Xian, her name is Xian."

Me: "What? What is it" (I'm not kidding, I was really having like some sort of bizarre deafness, induced by my own idiocy. )

AA: "XIAN. XIAN."

Me: "Okay! Yay!" (immediately I hang up the phone to call dh! Because he's still Waiting! He doesn't know he doesn't have to Wait anymore! And I must tell him right now!)

###

Me: "The adoption agency called! We have our referral! We have a baby girl waiting for us!

T: "Oh my God, tell me all about her!"

Me: "Oh. Um."

T: "What? What? How old is she? What's her name?"

Me: "I can't remember. I can't remember what she said!"

And with that, I burst into tears, disgusted with my own tendencies to behave like a complete lunatic. I REALLY COULDN'T REMEMBER! First the deafness, now this! God, I remember feeling like a total nutcase, and typing this out it is clear to me that I really was. Because you know what? Even though I couldn't remember anything D had said during The Call, I'd completely spaced out the fact that I'd written everything down. Yep. Oh, yeah. That's how tightly I was wound. So T had to call the agency back and try to bluff his way through the fact that he'd married a total asshole, without jeopardizing our adoption.

And yeah, despite all that, I'm still jealous.