Quality television

So my friend Cyn (who used to be my friend IRL, til she moved away and now lives in my computer. Strangely enough, we talk more this way . . . ) and I were just this minute now having an IM session and I'm like all excited 'cause I recently saw the new freaks listing, um I mean cast, of Surreal Life 4.

And then Cyn reveals that she is off television.

Say what? That's crazy talk.

Well, that's a conversation stopper right there, folks. I mean, none of my friends (those in real life or those in the computer) are off television. Cyn! Say it isn't so!

So being the good wife that I am, I immediately call dh and I bring up the possibility of cutting our television umbilical cord. As you might imagine, he is properly horrified at the mere suggestion. Being off television just sounds way too high class or intellectual or something for dh and I. It's something we might admire from afar (and really, I kind of do Admire It), but no fucking way would we wanna live there, for God's sake. Really--we have no lives of our own. We must live vicariously through the freak shows that are beamed to us through the idiot box.

We love idiot box . . .

I shudder to think that Cyn is suffering without the following Things That Make Life Bearable:

• Bands Reunited
• American Chopper
• HGTV in general, and Curb Appeal in particular (thank the directv gods you are back, Rick Spence, you hunk of funkyfreshness)
• Various special televised offerings involving gender ambiguity, reassignment, frustrations with, etc.
• The Critical Hour (okay, I hate this, but dh loves it and I must admit that it provides a nice balance to my google medical knowledge)

Can you imagine? What do she and her husband talk about if not the following topics:

• Sex, to have or not to have, quality of, lack thereof, planning for
• Bands, ones we miss, how much ones have went down hill, freaks resulting from thereof
• Bikes, ones I will never ride, Paul Sr., Paul Jr., Mikey, Vinnie angst involving the aforementioned combined with too much money and too much mouth
• Sex, quality of, lack thereof, planning for, new techniques mentioned in magazines or online or via some other communication methods
• Shit that needs done around the house
• Medical procedures that would result in the feeling that we would rather be shot dead than have to endure
• Sex, to have or not to have, quality of, recent (or not so) occurences of, planning for, sloppiness and/or shoddiness or lack of sloppiness/shoddiness in current birth control practices

Maybe this is working for Cyn and her husband, but as you can see, gentle reader, being off television would put a serious damper on the discussion of current events at Casa Cystah. We can't have that now, can we? Can We?

No. We Just Can't.

Whew. Now then. I'm going to go update our cable options. Maybe order a pay-per-view. Maybe even a pay-per-view porn, thereby combining dh's two favorite pastimes of tv and sex.

Shit, I am such a good wife.