From An Unexpected Source: Assvice revisited

I have written this post at least three times now and blogger has eaten each and every one. So you'll just have to take my word for it: the first time was best. Now it's lost something.

I have various and sundry acquaintances that I don’t see for months at a time. The relationships are still there, but time/distance/whathaveyou is such that we just aren’t that close. I think this is normal, but my sister assures me that it's not. So maybe I'm just an asshole where friendship is concerned. I don't know. Anyway. Another thing about me, though, is that I’m fairly open about my experiences with infertility and adoption. As such, some of my casual acquaintances know that I’m happy to discuss most issues related to such things. And, I always like to live vicariously through others adoption experiences. That is just how I am.

Anyway, a week or so ago, I happened upon Jen, an acquaintance that I hadn’t seen for two-ish years. Jen and I have never been especially close, but for some reason she chose to confide in me a bit during her first adoption (she’s now mom to a beautiful toddler girl). We chatted a bit, she shared the news of preparations for their second adoption; I realized that she hadn’t heard about my pregnancy/subsequent third kid. I was as delicate as I could be about the matter—I am still “aware” of sensitivity, to the best of my ability.

Jen somewhat shocked the shit right out of me, though, when she offhandedly mentioned, “Well, naturally, I’d much rather what happened to you, happen to me.” I was confused (it doesn’t take much, as you well know). She elaborated: “well, now we’ve adopted once, and I keep thinking that now we’ll finally, finally get pregnant.” And she was quite serious when she said this. Naturally, I handled the situation without an iota of grace (think mostly smiling and nodding). I’m a complete idiot when it comes to unexpected awkwardness in my everyday life. Really, I think I was a total dumbass. Shouldn’t I have said something meaningful in this situation? I mean, should I have? For some reason that I still can’t explain, I just felt sad for her. Maybe it’s just that infertility just sucks so thoroughly and can never really go totally away. Maybe because it seemed like she still dwelled under the "adoption is second best" mind set. Whatever. We don't see each other much, I felt it best to let it go. But I still felt lacking like a big jackass loser.

I guess I’m just surprised that the assvice of “Adopt! You get pregnant!” has been passed around so much that even some infertile women believe it.