Open Commentary to the Woman In the Stall Next Door

So, this past weekend, T and I went out to the Olive Garden (when we're there, we're family). I know some people who think they're too classy for TOG, but the Cystah Family most definitely is not that kind. We love it there: the kids like it, it's not too spendy, and it's Not McDonalds, thereby satisfying three of our most important requirements. TOG offers one of my most favorite entrees in the whole world, possibly, and that is Chicken Alfredo Pizza, which is beloved by me for the abundance of cheese and also for the abundance of garlic, Amen. We were having a fabulous time together, gorging ourselves and the baby had his first tiramisu and he saw that it was good.

On our way out, I stopped by the ladies room.

I had consumed so much water (as a courtesy to try to dilute garlic breath) and I had to pee terribly. The ladies room was eerily quiet, and I went into the first available stall and I had to pee soooooo bad, I already had the button to my jeans undone.

When I looked down.

And.

I.

Saw.

The toilet was covered in shit. Not just a errant streak, mind you, I'm talking 'bout: actual shit. Splatters, turds, spray, the works. Someone had really went all out.

Now, it might surprise you to find out that I have my own Code of Toilet Ethics and one of the hallmarks involves Flushing One's Own Product. Needless to say, this stall was obviously in violation so I moved my delicate sensibilities and unbuttoned jeans on down to the next stall. Shortly thereafter, a woman (this is a presumption on my part, as was still in the stall, so could not ascertain gender at this time) came in and went into That Shitty Stall. I was busy peeing, but the thought crossed my mind that she wouldn't stay in there long. But she did. She not only stayed in there, but she went pee in there! With the shit! In that shitty stall! Now, I do not have x-ray vision, but I didn't not hear the rattle of any paper potty covers (believe you me, I made a mental note of that). During the hand washing, Toilet Lady exited (and not with haste! no!) that stall and I managed, with effort, to refrain from any commentary on her activities, which may or may not have involved someone else's shit.

I can only conclude that she squatted above the toilet. But even so! Squatting above that? Why, Toilet Lady? When so many (at least three) stalls are vacant? How could you do that, Toilet Lady? Were you not grossed out? I am rather gagging, just typing this part. Toilet lady! Stop such behavior immediately, as it is not sanitary. The Board of Health has got my back on this, I feel certain.